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  #1  
Old 29th April 2010, 06:54 PM
ohwoah ohwoah is offline
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Asexuality

Hi guys! Been lurking here for quite a while, prospective gainer here but that's not really the point of my post (at the moment)

Well, first of all, I've sort of worked out that I am somewhat asexual. (Though strangely I do have a thing for bellies, it's complicated.) This hasn't been a problem as I've been single for a while, but now there's a guy I really like and we are in something of a relationship. I was just wondering on what you guys would think of being in a relationship with someone who wasn't very interested in the sexual side (I will do it to make him happy, I don't begrudge it at all if he enjoys it) and what would you do if your prospective love were asexual like me? Would it put you off?

Ps. Any shared stories/any fellow asexual guys (this may not be the place to find them, though, I admit) would be very welcome!!
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Old 29th April 2010, 07:02 PM
xxxxx xxxxx is offline
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Not sure about calling myself asexual (I've never been too fond of labels), but I might be in a similar position to you. My bf has been very understanding in accepting that I don't particularly desire sex with him. I did have to be very clear on the whole 'its not you, its me' thing, so be careful on that front
Hopefully your guy will be able to understand you.
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Old 29th April 2010, 07:13 PM
ohwoah ohwoah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxxx View Post
I did have to be very clear on the whole 'its not you, its me' thing, so be careful on that front
Yup that's the thing that worries me the most!! I do care about him a lot (more than I've ever cared about anyone before - was sorta hoping that that would kick in some sexual desire) but more thna anything I just don't want him to think it's his fault
Am torn between whether to tell him now and let him know up-front what I really feel or wait until (this is selfish I know, lol!) he loves me enough for it to not scare him off, my biggest fear is it all getting too much for him
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Old 30th April 2010, 04:41 PM
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J. C. Beck J. C. Beck is offline
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Asexuality is seldom a subject younger people, especially, tend to declare. Indeed, many will lie about it, remain mum, or simply take the "easy road" of claiming to be "confused." Why not? I mean, most what to "belong" in some way, and perceptions that a guy doesn't want SEX, 24/7 do seem "uncool" and more to many... Right?

I always called myself "not highly sexed", not because of the lack of interest or REAL levels of experience, but because -- just being close to, and with a fat guy TURNS ME ON, or moreso, than the general, run-of-the-mill, "ordinary" sex with a guy. It's simply how some of us are "wired" and no problems, much, for me over the years. I'm 60-years old soon, so I know "something" there; two long-held relationships, and many bfs over time "sorta teach" one something, about PEOPLE, about one's self. These, of course, are matters central to the development of the SELF, so short posts seem far from what is wanted.

Thanks, then, for this level of honesty, PLUS-- the introspective stuff can be among the most interesting realm for many of us. FAT guys do "work out"; it tends to be a bit more "of the mind", than just holding dicks...and more.
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Old 3rd May 2010, 06:28 PM
ohwoah ohwoah is offline
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It's nice to have heard your experiences! I'm now glad to see that asexuality doesn't necessarily act as an antagonist (or even a hurdle hopefully!) to love and romance and such. I suppose there's always the aspect of needing the right guy to come to terms with it, but that's the case for so many things about every single one of us that it's just a drop in the ocean!! Any ideas on whether I should break it to him or not, guys?
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Old 4th May 2010, 08:04 AM
chubbyboy1990 chubbyboy1990 is offline
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I think I also have some kind of this "problem" (I love chubby boys, but really don't want and wouldn't like anything sexual, if I were in a relationship - therefore I don't know if I'm pedo, gay, or what; maybe nothing of these). However, although I called it a "problem", it for sure shouldn't be a hurdle for you if you have a good relationship. But (IMHO) if I were you, I wouldn't break it to him until you know what he's like - maybe he's like you, too , or do you know something about him in this?
Anyway, good luck!
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Old 6th May 2010, 05:18 PM
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If you don't find traditional gay or straight sex arousing, then try sexual activities that involve fat/bellies. As in, stimulating your member using adipose tissue.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcHxiw9QIfc
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  #8  
Old 9th May 2010, 11:44 AM
XCoolGuyX007 XCoolGuyX007 is offline
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Asexuality exists. The question is if it bothers you? It sounds like its influencing your life negatively. It could be a multitude of issues that you havent found what turns you on, it could be the person you're with, or it may be an internal issue. Sometimes someone who suffers from previous abuse might be "asexual". However there are persons who simply have no care for sex. Some may prefer being alone and taking care of business, and others don't even want that. I know you can still be emotionally intimate with another person if you're asexual. Anyone who tells you otherwise values sex more than you. But its definitely a pretty big issue in a relationship.

I think these questions help: if you simply dont want sex, you're afraid of sex, you feel "blocked", do you become excited at all?
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  #9  
Old 12th May 2010, 06:54 AM
quagmayer quagmayer is offline
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So, there's no sexual apetite? No desire? Nothing? I guess it can happen. It's weird for me to imagine it, but then again, I know what it's like not to want sex. What makes someone asexual?
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  #10  
Old 19th May 2010, 12:03 AM
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thebigfatstereo thebigfatstereo is offline
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good topic - and i do relate to it as well. i like bellies, but not big on sex in any way. do you know of the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) (or something like that)?
you should check it out if you haven't already - the web site is called asexuality.org.
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